This master policy is intended to help build a strong relationship with yourself and others. The first and most important aspect of building strong relationships that nourish and serve you is to get real with yourself. Getting real means stepping outside you ego long enough to clearly see how you appear to others, where you shine, and where you need some upgrades. This process of self-discovery leads to the confidence obvious in secure people. Feeling secure in yourself can challenge some beliefs as you exit the comfort zone, but is the only road to the true you. Taking off the ego mask can feel scary at first but gets easy fast as you discover how good it feels to relax into your true nature without apologies or expectations.

Weather you like it or not, you are in relationship with everyone.  All of us are co-creating the future together. All in the same boat paddling and bailing. Imagine that aliens have landed in every city on every continent and are walking down every street looking for people to eat.  Do you think you could come together with friends and foes alike to fight them off? Of course you could.  It would make sense to decide to help each other out without judgment. The aliens are here, they show up as self-centeredness, corruption, negligence, greed and indifference. Though you are an individual you share common goals with everyone on government, health, the environment, nearly everything.  Our differences are not all that different. In the end what do you really care if others worship different Gods, speak different languages or practice different politics, not so deep inside we are all the same.

It amazes me how often we forget to let love guide us.  We take people for granted or even sabotage them through meddling, envy and jealousy.  Even those we would consider to be our closest people (sibling, close friend, lover) are often victims of our self-centered, controlling or passive-aggressive behavior.  When someone close to you wins a prize, gets a promotion, finds romance, whatever, celebrate with them!  I have repeatedly personally experienced people who are supposedly my friends treat me with jealousy, indifference, insults or one-upmanship upon hearing my good news.  It is so sad when we can’t get out of our own way fast enough to be present with our people in their moments of joy. The Poet Oscar Wilde once said “Anyone can sympathize with the suffering of a friend, but it requires a very fine nature to sympathize with a friend's success.”  Where do you get in your own way?  How can you help others celebrate their success?

It seems that many of us confuse the terms "alone" and "lonely." Not everyone that is alone is lonely and not everyone that is lonely is alone. Have you ever been lonely while in a relationship? I have.  

The voices of the ego come through in whispers, loud screaming and everything in between.  With awareness and practice you will learn to hear ego talking and be able to step back, laugh and let it go.  In the busyness of the mind ego sounds like just another voice but it’s not.  At first the ego awareness may come slowly and often after you have acted or reacted.  With skillful awareness ego-spotting will become second nature and happen in real time allowing you time to change course on the fly.

It’s funny how good things can end up being bad and visa versa.  Take rejection for example.  In relationships of any sort rejection feels bad and is humbling.  We’ve all been rejected at some point, at work, friends, family, lovers. Think back, how did it turn out?  Was that rejection a blessing in disguise?  It always is. 

Whatever you call it, tough, sassy, unique, it pays to be a badass.  I had fun reading Shannon Doroghty’s book Badass.  At first is seems a silly whimsical look at pop culture.  After digging in her pages made some good points. Shannon is all about being herself without making excuses or trying to “fit in”.  Her advice is to live out loud, dress wild, don’t give your power over to others, live with passion.  People will notice you more and you’ll probably have a lot more fun in the process.  That’s what all the pillars are about, figuring out who you are then living the large you.

Every relationship is a give and receive process.  This exchange sets the tone for now and the future.  Consider approaching all relationships with the welcome mat out, inviting people to play in your sandbox.  Give them your bucket and shovel then get on with building a castle.  Show them how you play and watch their style, maybe you’ll want to play together again.  Maybe not.  Maybe it will take awhile to figure each other out, maybe not.

Communication is the most powerful tool of personal and social change.  If you take the time to talk and genuinely listen with others you will find good ideas, insight, common ground and perspective.  Why do therapists, psychologists and counselors get paid hundreds of dollars per hour?  Because they listen intentionally.

Isn’t it great how a few words of insight at the right time can shed light on solutions.  Trying to solve every problem alone is like trying to fix everything with a pair of pliers and roll of duct tape.  Your personal tools may be enough to answer most questions, but not all.  Reaching out to friends, family, coworkers and mentors to be a good way to get valuable input while forging stronger relationship with the advice-giver. 
Affirmation: My friends old and new know exactly what I should do.